The Wall of Futility

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
— M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled.

I think this is another way of explaining Gordon Neufeld's idea of the wall of futility in his book Hold on to Your Kids. He says,

"The key to adaptation is for futility to sink in whenever we are up
against something that won't work and we can't change. When the
adaptive process is unfolding as it should, the lessons are learned
spontaneously....The adaptive process accomplishes its task of "disciplining"
our children in a number of natural ways; by bringing to an end a course of
action that does not work, by enabling the child to accept limitations and
restrictions,. by facilitating the letting -go of futile demands.Only through
such adaptations can a child adjust to circumstances that cannot be changed.
Through this process a child also discovers that she can live with unfulfilled
desires. Adaptation enables the child to recover from trauma and transcend
loss. These lessons cannot be taught directly either through reason or
through consequences. They are truly teachings of the heart, learned only as
futility sinks in.
The parent needs to be both the agent of futility and the angel of comfort. It is human counterpoint at its finest and most challenging. To facilitate adaptation,
a parent must dance the child to his tears, to letting go, and to the sense of
rest that comes in the wake of letting go."

Clearly this process applies to adults as well. Sometimes we have to adapt to a lack of others' ability to adapt. "Letting go of what does not work, we are more likely to stumble upon what does." In the eternal perspective, helping a child reach the wall of futility can prime him for Trustful Surrender. The more we desire control over every aspect of our lives, the harder it is to let tears of futility sink in, resting in Christ and allowing him to fill the gaps.

Eamon contemplates Divine Intimacy

One morning this summer after I had finished my morning reading, Eamon snuggled into my 'spot' and picked up

Divine Intimacy ,

which has become the focus of my personal spiritual journey and an essential component of what Robynn and I have come to understand as Catholic Contemplative Parenting. For the past two and a half years,we have been discussing our vocation in light of attachement principles, the writings of Saint John of the Cross, St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Thomas Aquinas, and many contemporary authors who address development and attachment.

This is one instance where "do as I do" might work out okay! :)

Today's Divine Intimacy

#299

Fear of the Lord

"To educate us in the Fear of the Lord, the Holy Spirit,
instead of placing before our eyes pictures of the punishmnet and pains due to
sin, instead of representing God as a stern judge, shows Him to us as a most
loving father............

What a difference there is between this filial
fear, which is the fruit of love, and servile fear,
which arises form the dread of punishment! It is true that the fear of judgement
and the divine punishment is salutary and in certain cases (in the case of affirmed
adults) can serve greatly to hold a soul back from sin; but if it does not change gradually into filial fear, it will never be sufficient
to impel the soul on to sanctity." (emphasis mine )

This is the basis of attachment parenting. Gregory Popcak refers to it as Self-Donative Parenting. Robynn and I have developed the idea of Catholic Contemplative parenting because we have experienced Contemplation of God's gifts to us (our children) and our parenting style to be intimately intertwined. Our faith in a loving, merciful God naturally leads to the understanding that we are to shepherd our children, to dis.c.i.pl.ine them in virtue, and to lead them to an ability to embrace the cross through meeting their needs in a way that brings them to rest.

"Servile fear contracts the soul and
makes it petty, whereas filial fear dilates it and spurs it on the way of
generosity and perfection."

Through the act of meeting the needs of our children with magnanimity ( as opposed to shame, fear of punishment, and withdrawal of love)
we spur them on toward perfection, even as we are working on it ourselves. :)

.

Whooping Alert: A person could develop a cough......

The yahoo homepage echoes a concern that my neighbor and I have been discussing for weeks; the return of a scary childhood (well, now adult,too) disease that makes the patient sound like a barking seal. Yahoo speculates that the reason for the rise in cases and infant deaths is the group of folks who choose not to vaccinate. Perhaps the unvaccinated immigrant population is also a factor. At any rate, if your child develops a persistent cough following cold-like symptoms, consider having him/her tested for Pertussis. Pertussis, a disease many thought had been eradicated, is the T in Tdap immunizations. It is now believed that update vaccinations should be given at 11 years and then again at a later adult physical.

Here are some guidlines to follow from Pundit&Pundette:

To protect your children watch out for the symptoms, and hie thee to a doctor to get antibiotics for the whole family (vaccinated or not) if you suspect pertussis. If caught early enough, antibiotics may mitigate the coughing, which is typically extreme and long-lasting. Antibiotics will kill the bacteria and prevent spreading to your other family members. Be sure to tell the doc that you've been exposed to a confirmed case. There are different tests, but the one used by our doctor is a culture by nasal swab and can take as long as 14 days for a result.

Our daughter's culture was negative after 6 days but positive by day 14. The doctor started her on antibiotics the day she was tested. Our doctor said people are no longer contagious after 24 hours of antibiotics. When the test came back the doctor decided to give her another course of antibiotics. Probably not necessary but I didn't turn it down.

It seems to me that many doctors aren't very familiar with the symptoms, testing, or treatment. They're looking for asthma, allergies, bronchitis, croup, or pneumonia. My impression is that pertussis isn't on their radar. I suspect it's more common than they believe and often goes undiagnosed.

Symptoms:

Week one: A cough. May be very frequent. Cold symptoms may accompany it. From website linked below:



runny nose, sneezing, low-grade fever, or a mild, occasional cough, similar to the common cold.



After that: Paroxysmal stage, when cough develops into long, spasmodic coughing fits. The "whoop" occurs when the victim tries to inhale. (Whoop is not always present, and babies in particular may not whoop.) Coughing fits may feature choking and vomiting.


Read more here:
http://www.medicinenet.com/pertussis/article.htm


Forewarned is forearmed.

Curriculum Junkies and Pattern Blocks

I wish I had taken a picture of the myriad of curricula spread out over the tables this morning in my home! We announced it on the Mary's House yahoo group as a book sale, but at times it was really more of a book swap:"I'll take your American Girl book and give you my Kindergarten Catechism book."

As entertaining as it is to see the collections displayed by my fellow curriculum junkies, I did take a few minutes to ponder our"text" anxiety when it comes to educating our children at home. And I don't mean the cell phone kind. We attend conferences and curriculum sales, peruse Cathy Duffy's favorite picks, compare textbooks to living books, buy,sell, and exchange programs as new ones are produced all the while wondering, "Is the THE ONE that will work with my dc in such and such a subject."

One seasoned mom said she wanders away from and always comes back to Laura Berquist's Mother opf Divine Grace program based on Design Your Own Classical Curriculum. I have only been doing this for three years now, but MODG will most likely always be the foundation of our BucketOGlee home learning. We adapt the basic plan to each child's needs and my own need for simplicity. In addition to the historical fiction books listed in MODG, I have collected a few writing,spelling, and math programs here and there trying to make a good fit for my learners. Right now I'm feeling pretty comfortable with my collection; ALEKS math online, A Beka Spanish supplemented by BYKI.com, Little Saints Preschool with some Before FIAR, Writing with Ease, and Wordly Wise.

So, my exciting purchases of the day include a plastic set of pattern blocks (put to use immediately by all ages and pictured here), Seton's Kindergarten Catechism, and Karen Andreola's book A Charlotte Mason Companion. The last one worries me a little. I am proud to have kept the curriculum purchases to a minimum this spring and I am hoping the Charlotte Mason Companion won't inspire me to hop too far off the path I have already created.....

We reap what we sow. Galatians

An epistle from Saint Paul to the Galatians:

"For what things a man shall sow, those he also shall reap.........

And in doing good let us not fail. For IN DUE TIME we shall
reap."

We watched a few hours of old home videos taken when the older kids were very little. It was a terrific reminder to dh and I that we have sown plenty of tender loving care into our children, and that in God's time there will be good fruit. As we picked little red berries and cut lettuce (before the bunnies eat more than their share), I keep thinking about the similarities between gardening and child-rearing. I know this is nuthin' new to anyone here, but they are good parallels to ponder.

In our AP journey we have come to realize that part of the reason we resort to poor disciplinary tactics (ie, punishments and false rewards) is our own self-centered desire to see immediate results. Sometimes it is difficult to accept our own littleness or the littleness of our offspring, but this is exactly what God calls us to do. Even when we think we've made mistakes along the way, God will work it all out if we are trying to live according to his plan.

Home Learning WWI/American History

We are doing a unit in American History this week on World War I. Although we use a "spine"text, Christ and the Americas,we always add in some historical fiction , movies, and whatever we can get our hands on. The local teacher's store had a little booklet on WWI that was a terrific supplement with lots of main ideas and basic facts. From there, we took off on a poetry tangent spurred by my own highschool memory of "Dulce Et Decorum Est" by Wilfred Owen. This rabbit trail led us back to Horatius, Jesse Pope"the poetess" to whom Owen's poem was written, and a handful of other WWI poetry.

We also have a new favorite movie to add to the list of Daniel Boone, Little House, and Princess Bride: Sergeant York. I had forgotten how dreamy Gary Cooper is! The oldest dd, home from college, started singing "Puttin' On the Ritz" (tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper - super dooper!"). In the middle of all the war talk, ds1 remembered "O Captain, My Captain" from her dreaded English class and off we went on the poetic devices used in that poem.

Coincidentally, ds2 was looking at a Draw. Write. Now picture of Abe Lincoln as a boy. Usually I provide the lead with art practice. I follow the instructions in the text to create a picture and then someone sees it, likes it, and does their own picture. If it becomes popular, someone else might also try it. Then again, there are time that it falls flat. Mine is the only colored- pencil line drawing of the flag posted on the bulletin board! We haven't said the Pledge of Allegiance daily since year 1, so I really needed this reminder to teach it to the younger ones.

We may never do a WWI unit exactly like it, but it has been a good week so far.

Pondering Home Learning

As I read the posts at UnschoolingCatholics yahoo group, I am pondering just exactly what KIND of homeschooling is it that we are practicing here at BucketOGlee. Do I need to define it in words? Perhaps pictures would be better? OR lists of books? Hmmm....I am learning to ponder and pray about these things in a way I could not have done before. Before what? Before my encounter with Hold On to Your Kids, Jill, Robynn, and Attachment Parenting.

adrienne young - plow to the end of the row.wmv

Candlemas Day February 2, 2010

Canticle of Simeon:
"Now thou dost dimiss thy servant, O Lord, according to they word in peace;Because my eyes have seen the salvation,which thou has prepared before the face of all peoples: A light to the revelation of the Gentiles, and the glory of they people Isreal"


I learned for the first time this year that the Christmas season ( in the early Roman Calendar) is a forty day observance just like Lent. It begins with Christmas day, The Nativity of our Lord and continues until February 2nd, the Presentation of our Lord in the temple and the prophecy of Simeon.

Like so many others, we are swayed by pop culture into decorating and celebrating during the season of Advent, before Christmas ever really begins...when we should still be observing the calm and reservation of Advent. Then, when the rest of the world is undecking the halls on New Year's Day or Epiphany, we should be rejoicing in Christ's birth until today!

So, a new tradition is in the making at BucketOGlee in which we have gathered up the candles for Daddy to pray over tonight after Mass and we will then recite the Canticle of Simeon. Being a newbie mom to lots of these Catholic Culture opportunities, that's as far as my plan has gotten today. With a little more research, I hope this will become an remain as regular an observance in our home as Saint .Nick's feast day and Epiphany